Wednesday, 2 February 2011

Roses

Apologies for the late post. It is hard to find time to translate something properly. I hope this translation has been able to preserve the delicate tone of the original, by Sándor Weöres. Song.

Roses, roses, in the midst
Ladies, birds and cloudy mist
Ladies, birds and cloudy mist
Flash of tear-drop, vapour-kissed

Flaming heaven, lightning dawn
Wounded lips in fiery storm
Wounded lips in fiery storm
Each kiss, a fresh new thorn

Every gush and quake gives way
Looks at you, then floats away
Looks at you, then floats away
God only sees their way

Though your hair's blown far away
Your laughter is here to stay
Your laughter is here to stay
Like your scarf on the chair

Roses, roses, in the midst
Ladies, birds and cloudy mist
Ladies, birds and cloudy mist
Flash of tear-drop, vapour-kissed
Posted by mc losh at Wednesday, February 02, 2011

1 comment:

  1. mc losh4 February 2011 at 01:20

    As always, suggestions for possible improvements are very welcome. For instance, I don't like "flaming heaven". An alternative may be:

    Fiery heaven, lightning dawn
    Look at you, your dress is torn
    Look at you, your dress is torn
    Each kiss, a fresh new thorn

    Also, it's not the gush or the quake that gives way, but the "gates" holding them back. Again, an alternative:

    All -- gush, quake -- is given way
    Looks at you, then floats away

    which is truer to the original, but sounds a bit awkward.

    Any ideas?

    ReplyDelete

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